Tsubasa: Twisted tales
by TSUBASAxFai
Summary: Just a bunch of uncollected one-shots. No KuroFai (Sorry fangirls) Disclaimer: Don't own them. never will. Rated M for lots of swearing.
1. Chapter 1

Tsubasa: A Twisted Tale

Ch. 1 Just another day

It was another pleasant day for the Tsubasa crew. Well, for nearly everyone.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?" The group woke up to Kurogane screaming (again). The ninja was wearing a black dress with six-inch heels and make-up. He stormed into Fai's bedroom.

"Mage, would you like to explain what you did?" he growled. Fai tried to act innocent.

"It was Seishiro's idea, not mine," the blonde laughed.

Syaoran came into the room to see an all-too-familiar sight: Fai running away, with Kurogane trying to murder him.

"Um, Syaoran-kun?" Sakura had finally woken up and was holding Mokona. Without a word, he led them out of the house.

"WHAT IS THIS SPARKLY SHIT ON MY SWORD!?"

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[

"_Hello, this is 911. What is your emergency?"_

"Yeah, could you send the fire department? A house just exploded."

"_We'll get there as soon as possible, Miss."_

"Okay, I'm going to see if anyone's hu-"

"_Miss?"_

"On second thought, could you also send the police? There is a tall tan man who looks very pissed off and is chasing a blonde guy, well; I think it's a guy."

"_Is he carrying a weapon?"_

"…Does an extremely long sword count?"

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[

"Get your ass back here so I can kill you!" Kurogane shouted at the blonde.

"Haha, you can't catch me Kuro-tan!" Fai teased.

"Say my name right asshole!"

Meanwhile, Sakura was holding a very scared Mokona, while Syaoran gripped his sword as if his life depended on it.

Kurogane then heard his least favorite sound in the world: police sirens.

"Shit!" he swore. He turned to Fai.

"We've got the damn police after us! Just run!" he ordered. The blonde agreed. And on they ran…

After an hour long chase, the police gave up. Instead, they went to question Syaoran and Sakura.

"So, you're telling me that this happens on a daily basis?" the cop asked.

Syaoran tried not to laugh. "Sadly, yes."

The cop turned to Sakura.

"Can you say the same?" he asked.

"Yeah, Fai-san always does something similar," she confirmed. Mokona was busy taping the whole incident so she could send it to Yuko.

"Hey, pork bun. Send this to that witch," Kurogane said gruffly. He handed her the mage's porn collection. Mokona sent it to Yuko and received sake, condoms, chocolate body paint, and a note. The alcohol was for Fai (no surprise). The note revealed that the other items were for Syaoran (sorry, kid). When he found out, he turned red.

"I think the witch is being perverted again," he muttered. Just another day for the group.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Sorry about the late update. I know I should have done this ages ago but school has been killing me. **_

_**Kurogane: Get off your lazy ass then.**_

_**A/N: *shoves angry ninja into closet* **_That_** was easy. Anyway, on with the chapter.**_

Ch. 2 Amusing Signs

Fai was trying to look for the rest of the group when he saw a sign.

_Be Polite_

"Well, that's true, you should always try to be ni-"he broke off as he saw very familiar handwriting underneath it.

_Go Fuck Yourself!"_

"It looks like Kuropon was here first."

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[

Kurogane was stuck in traffic. Just when he thought it couldn't get any worse, he saw an electronic roadwork sign.

_Haha! Now you'll never get to work on time!_

Kurogane gritted his teeth in anger.

"Are these assholes purposely trying to piss me off?"

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[

Watanuki could only stare at the sign on the door of the little grocery store.

_Push. If that doesn't work, pull. If that doesn't work, kindly fuck off as we are closed._

"Are you kidding me!? What kind of fucked place is this!?"

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[

Kurogane looked at the billboard as he put gas into his car.

_My boss told me to change the stupid sign so I did_

"What the hell is different? It's still fucking stupid!"

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[

A wannabe thug stared at the sign in front of him

_No Trespassing. Violators will be stabbed. Survivors will be stabbed again_

"Yeah, right," the thug scoffed as he climbed over the fence. Let's just say Kurogane had a field day in punishing said trespasser.

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[

Syaoran stared at the sign in front of him

_Children left unattended will be sold to the circus_

"Now that seems highly unlikely," the teen said. He turned around to see Sakura being surrounded by clowns.

"Sakura!"

Many clowns were killed that day.

_**A/N: That's where I leave off at for the day.**_

_**Kurogane:*finally breaks out of closet* Get back here!**_

_**A/N: Hyuu~! (Me running away)**_

_**Syaoran: As the author is unable to say so, please read and review.**_


	3. Chapter 3

Ch. 3 Thanksgiving Special.

_**A/N: Here's the first holiday special. Now-**_

_**Kurogane: Would you stop running away dammit!**_

_**Fai: Kurotan is really mad now~!**_

_**A/N: Anyway, on with the chapter.**_

Kurogane sheathed his sword and surveyed the field. It was a massacre, with turkey blood and feathers all over the place. You know how chickens can live without their heads, for a while anyway? Well, as the group found out, turkeys cannot.

"That was a job well done," the ninja commented. Apart from the massive amount of blood on his shirt, it went (relatively) smoothly. Watanuki came to observe the scene.

"Motherfucker. Next time, he's on pie duty with Fai-san and Sakura-chan. Syaoran-kun can take care of the turkey."

_**A/N: Sorry if this was too short. Thanksgiving really is hard to write about. I know I mentioned I don't do KuroFai, but SeiSub and KakeiSaiga will appear from time to time.**_ _**The reason is that those relationships are actually in their respective manga.**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Here's chapter 4! I don't own Tsubasa, CLAMP does. Enjoy ^_^!**_

Ch. 4 Out-Sexied

Fai and Kurogane were at the beach for spring break. The usually short-tempered ninja was enjoying the hot sun. The affable mage, however, was the opposite of happy.

"It's too hot for this shit," Fai complained. He put his ice glass on his head. He moaned in irritation as more sweat trickled down his back, making him even more uncomfortable.

"Seriously, can we go back?" the blonde asked pleadingly.

"Hell no. This is the best vacation I've had in years," Kurogane replied as he rolled over to let the sun tan his chest. While it was amusing to see the mage suffer for once, he didn't want to hear him bitch about it like a damn teenage girl. The ninja sighed.

"Fine. If all you're going to do is complain, you can get your scrawny ass inside. Besides, you're just mad I'm sexier than you," Kurogane said in satisfaction.

"Please. You have no chance of out-sexying me," Fai scoffed.

"Oh really? And how's that?"

"Well, would you rather have an adorable Shit-zu or an angry, barking puppy?"

"Who the fuck are you calling a puppy?"

"Wai~! The puppy is using his big-boy voice now!"

Kurogane sighed and rolled over.

"Whatever. Everyone knows well-muscled men only look sexier after a day in the sun."

"You really have such limited notions of sexy, Kuropuu."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Syaoran and Syaoron were at the gym working out. It would've been great if Hikaru, Umi, and Fuu weren't stalking them. Syaoron nudged his twin.

"Hey bro, want to get some?"

And that's how Syaoron got smacked, and why Sakura didn't speak to him for a week.

_**A/N: And so another chapter ends. I really need to hurry up and buy CLAMP, so I can do a redo of the Tsubasa anime.**_

_**Ja'ne**_


End file.
